Match day

As kick off approaches, T-Bag Town enter the match against Useless United as clear favourites today. Everyone in the footballing world is expecting Useless United to be relegated this season having won just a couple of games all season and holding the worst defensive record in the league. In contrast T-Bag Town have been on good form of late with only 2 defeats in the last 20 games which came against top of the league.

It's 3:05pm so let's head over to our reporter for a match update, how's it going Jimmy ?

Jimmy: Kick off has been delayed by 10 minutes i'm afraid. Someone has parked a transit van in the entrance to the car park so their 10 fans can't get in on time for kick off! Useless United are using the local pub's facilities because they don't have a ground. There's been an announcement on the club's PA system (the karaoke machine) to try and locate the driver so hopefully we can get under way soon.

The vidi printer is still showing it's 0-0 after 20 minutes, what's happening Jimmy ?

Jimmy: Incredible scenes here Bob. Useless United have unveiled a surprise today, they have a new signing out on the pitch. I'm not sure who it is Bob ? He's playing in goal and he's wearing a red mask. I think it might be... Spiderman

Spiderman eh Bob ? That doesn't sound very likely to me, what makes you think that ?

Jimmy: Well T-Bag Town are dominating the match today, the stats are showing 75% possession and I count around 5 clear cut chances already. Spiderman is averaging an 8.5 and certainly looks to be 'playing with confidence'. I'll update you at half time !

It's nearly half time in the match with T-Bag Town vs Useless United and it's still 0-0 ?

Jimmy: Yes that's right Bob, it's still 0-0 here. I've never seen anything like it, T-Bag Town have had around 9 clear cut chances now. Just before you joined me, Obinna picked up the ball from around 30 yards out, beat his man, rounded the keeper and passed the ball into the net. As he was running off the celebrate, Spiderman webbed onto the goalpost, swung in and saved the shot!

Wait a minute, here's a chance! Brienza has picked up up the ball on the half way line, he's beaten 3 men but his shot has hit the cross bar. Rossi Steps up on the rebound and slots it home with a stunning volley!! GOAL for T-Bag Town!! I'm not sure what happened to Spiderman here he seemed to be playing with his wrists, one of the locals thinks his web got jammed. I think the floodgates might open in the second half it should be about 7-0 by now.

The second half is well under way now, is it still only 1-0 ?

Jimmy: To say that T-Bag Town are playing with Useless United is the understatement of the season, poor old Useless don't know what day it is. It's Still 1-0.

Just 10 minutes to go, T-Bag Town looking comfortable I take it ?

Jimmy: That's right, everyone in the side is turning it on it's almost cruel, the other team are just not on the park. Wait a minute what's going on here... T-Bag Town's GK is looking very complacent indeed. He's been waving to the crowd for a good 30 minutes now, but he's just taken off his gloves and walked to the sidelines to sign some autographs for the fans. T-Bag Town's manager is furious and shouting at him to get back in goal but he's not concentrating. Naldo is under pressure just inside his own half, he's going to have to pass it back... GOAAAAL for Useless United !!!!! The GK was nowhere to be seen, beaten by a slow moving backpass, this is incredible!! It was the first attempt on goal all game!

T-Bag Town certainly seem to be involved their fare share of these type of games this season, I think we must be in stoppage time now, Jimmy?

Jimmy: That's right, we have played 5 of the 6 added minutes now. Spiderman has been awarded MOTM. He webbed the champagne right from box into his goal and is sipping it right now. I've been down to the bench to try and see what T-Bag Town's manager is up to. Seems he noticed Useless's DR only has 8 pace and he has set Obinna on him with 19 pace/acceleration but it's not really doing anything. Commentators curse right there Bob! He's just beat his man and won a corner. Bosko Jankovic steps up and whips it into the 6 yard box, Naldo rises above everyone else and scores his 44th goal in 94 games ! The referee blows his whistle, It's all over, it's 2-1!!

Well Bob, I think the morale of this story is not even Spiderman can save a corner.

T-Bag Town's manager is still looking stressed.